The Lost Warrior
   © 1996 by Phil Duran
   February 22, 1996
   Pullman, Washington

   he grew up 
   in the warmth of home 
   and was given the name of a colonizer
   for his Indian name was lost
   after the Pueblo Revolt of 1680

   he was conceived in the womb
   of a loving mother
   in his ancestral land
   but poverty drove them away
   and he was born on the day of arrival
   after a hard three-day journey
   in another land
   still far from his Mom's father
   who died without her presence

   and in that strange land
   on the first day of public school
   his name was changed to English
   by English-speaking schools
   where other languages were forbidden

   and in that strange land
   urbanized dark-skinned people like him
   could use the public swimming pools
   only on Wednesdays
   when the dirty water was drained
   and clean water filled the pool again
   for use by whites

   but one day the family returned
   to the land of the ancestors
   where he learned white man's ways well
   but was ashamed of his dark skin
   as he was taught that
   all of America's heros were white
   and he played "cowboys and Indians"
   never wanting to be the Indian

   then fifty years later
   a Tribal cousin finds him and says
   her father was a full-blood
   but didn't tell his daughters
   for it was hard to be Indian
   in those days when they were growing up

   she says "come home, Primo/cousin"
   your mother should be enrolled
   for you are Indians like us
   and I am now learning our language

   then he remembered the days of his youth
   when the family went to the powwows
   with the Mescaleros
   but he did not know until now
   they were not tourists
   watching those Indians dance

   so he studies day and night
   to learn everything he can about
   the ugly and neglected side of American history
   and is traumatized, sometimes wanting to die
   because of the lies in the first chapter of his life

   he now tries to re-write the other chapters
   but oh how hard
   to fit new knowledge into old paradigms
   to forgive the many betrayals
   to hear the voices in Indian Country:
   "you're not Indian"
   and now be judged by his own kin
   after being excluded by others all his life
   despite many college degrees

   yes, there is still pain on both sides
   of the frontier
   a frontier that never vanished,
   the pain of exclusion and the pain of inclusion,
   both are right and both are wrong,
   but oh what a feeling
   to hear healing voices
   to be accepted for who he is:
   a warrior once lost, finally coming home
   after finding the path again

   he wants to be a good warrior
   as his spirit endures
   and is fighting hard, real hard 

   and is praying hard, real hard
   for the rights of all his relatives

   he wants to sing his last song
   some day, among his people
   as he follows the Great Spirit
   all the way to the end of a hard journey
   in the cycle of life
   to "that place that Indians talk about"