Recuerdos y Más 
   © 1995 by Phil Duran 

   Canto y Grito Conference 
   on the Life and Work of Ricardo Sánchez
   --University of Texas at El Paso, September 19, 1995 

   I.      fue una tardecita, Ricardo
           it began as an ordinary evening
           now a precious memory
   when you & your amable familia
   came to our cantón to eat menudo
           (my specialty, bato, como tú lo sabes)
   & you gave me a book
   by Nephtalí de León 

   i noticed your good appetite,
           you saw my hunger
   not just for menudo
   but for knowledge of our history

   at your place un día antes
   Norma asked you about Aztlán,
   you gave us a lengthy reply
   which we didn't pretend to understand,
   so you knew we wanted more 

   it was an evening of beginnings,
   a ritual of carnalismo-bonding 
   as we blessed the first bowl in front of us
   & ceremoniously added chile piquín
   and cebollita to the purifying mixture
   of red hot chile colorado from Nuevo México
   y chile piquín de pilón,
   draining our sinuses and cooling our tongues
   with forced air that filled the room with lispy sounds
   & wonderfully painful sensations
   spiced with your utterances about places en el chuco
   i could still remember from 21 years before,
   prompting my memory about Ysleta-childhood days
           - oh, i wanted to return

   that's how
   we satisfied our cultura hunger,
   with poor people's food
   that used to cost little to make, 
   jijo! I used to buy nixtamal en la Tolteca
   for 8 cents a pound, and i only
   used the best parts of the cow & the pig
   that died happy, they gave what no one
   else wanted to feed a big crowd of relatives
   & future generations of needy raza

   but our food was discovered
           and became popular
   & we wondered why there were always
   so many gringo police cars parked in front of
   the Hamburger Inn, the best menudo joint in town
           in those days

   II.     no te podré olvidar,
   the many cups of coffee
   the opportunities you gave me
   las ondas que hicimos juntos
   los libros prestados...
   but the many times i thanked you
   could not heal the pain
   that would come and shock us all 

   we made important statements
   in public places, large and small,
   to few, to many
   y cumplimos con nuestro deber
   cumplimos!  

   unknowingly
   i waited for you two decades
   when raza faculty politely smiled
   but maintained their distance
   from the affairs of Phil/Felipe Durán
   the bato from El Paso
   who once taught physics & math at UTEP
   & was now muy al norte,
   yearning to connect with ancestral roots
   & to sit in the circle 
   that defines his human emergence 


   today
   i sit alone again in usual places
   where we spoke of sacred things 
   & hoped for better times...
           our families, our people, our universe
   todavía
   en momentos de olvido te busco 
   esperando tu regreso,
   i walk into your office,
   & nothing is the same,
   i turn back the clock five years
   to adjust the past,
   but time will not reverse itself, 
   it is not linear
   so i hide my pain
   & wait for another you to cross my path 

   III.    from Pullman, WA...
           printed in the El Paso Times on 9/3/95: 

           por tus cantos a nuestro pueblo,
   for believing we could cross borders with you
   and experience the same Chicano realities
   of pain and celebration, 

   te honramos y agradecemos, carnal. 

   ahora no pudimos cruzar contigo
   a tus nuevas realidades
   pero son como las temporadas del año:
   después del invierno
   siempre llega la primavera,
   las flores retoñan, los pajaros cantan,
   and the healing begins anew...
 
   in your pain you told me
   "qué buena es la vida, verdad?"
   sí, compa, y por eso
   nuestra raza will survive
   and your life helped make it possible.